Today's Word is Deficit

Hello again Boys and Girls!

“Where have you been Uncle Bill??!!”, you ask.

Well, Boys and Girls, I have been on Strike.

“What is a Strike Uncle Bill??”

Well, a strike is where you don’t go to work. So, you play concerts for free, listen to people talk at you, try to figure out what the hel… heck is going on and lose a lot of money. All at the same time!!! Wow, Boys and Girls!! I think I would rather shop for some checkered shirts at Sears!

But, for the moment, I am here. So shut your little yaps and listen up.

Today’s word is “Deficit” Here’s how it works!

Let’s suppose that you had two dollars and 4 dimes in your pocket. Somehow though, you lost it. Gambling maybe. You owe your friend that money though, because he washed your dog, combed your cat, cleaned your room, took out the garbage and played you some Beethoven on his violin. You used to have a lot more money than that in your pocket, but you spent it on stupid stuff and decided to quit worrying about your job so you could watch more Oprah.

Let’s see then. You owe your fiddle playing friend two dollars and 4 dimes, so how much would that be? Two dollars and Forty cents, right Boys and Girls?

NO!! OMG!! Seriously?! Haven’t you been listening?!! It would be NINE OR MAYBE ELEVEN DOLLARS! Once again, you forgot one of our most early Word Fun lessons in Prevarication!

“But Uncle Bill” you ask, “Which is it then, Nine or Eleven?”

Well, that’s the really interesting part, because it really doesn’t matter! All that matters is that you go tell your parents and all of the friends you can that “I am currently running a nine to eleven dollar structural deficit”. Wow! You sure do sound smart when you say that! Hey, I know! Say it again, only faster!! And Again!! And Again!!

So a “deficit” then, is nothing more than a really a great way to sneak some ice cream out of the party when nobody is looking. Unless you see something called Tequila. Then go for that instead.

Okay Boys and Girls! This sure was fun wasn't it? I am going back on strike for a while. See you next time!!

Today’s word is “Convinced”.

Today’s word is “Convinced”.

Yes I know you thought today’s word was going to be Entryprenueriaul. But I could not spell that word twice in a row so it will have to wait.

So, today’s word is Convinced. This is another very interesting compound word. “Con” meaning “with” and “vinced” meaning “Vince D.” So Convinced means “with Vince D.”

Seriously.

Did you really think I was going to try and sell you that line of crap?? PuhLEEESE.

No, no, no,  Boys and Girls, today’s word has anything to do with “Vince D.” I’m not going to try and sell you that line of crap.  If I did, then I would be trying to convince you of something. Something I thought I was very clever to think of.  Though even I  do not really believe it, I would hold on to it until my last dieing breath. The reason I would do that, is because it is so important to me for you to believe that I believe that you believe that I am smarter than you.  Once that is accomplished, then I can toss my hair in the wind and go watch a Dustin Hoffman movie.

Uh oh. What if you are not so easily convinced, then what?

Well. That’s easy. I will just tell people that your ideas are full of crap and that you are a cotton ball! And because I am so convincing, they will believe me. Besides, no one wants to be called a cotton ball, so they’ll fall in line automatically. In the end of course, this just amounts to IABAOOOITGYTDTSTIWYTDTYDNWTD!

Here is how it works!

Let’s say that my friend is standing directly in the path of a large speeding truck that clearly has no time to stop before hitting him, splatting him all over the road in a greasy mess. I say, “Ah, Dude, I think we need to talk about your need to move away from the speeding truck” and he replies, “No, I don’t need to talk about anything because it is so important everyone to know that you believe that I believe that you believe that I am smarter than you. And besides, you are a cottonba…”

Oh well, Boys and Girls, we tried!!! Words sure are fun!

Uncle Bill says, “See you Monday Boys and Girls!” when our word for the day will be “Hostage”.

Today’s word is Believe.

Today’s word is “Believe”.

SO Boys and Girls, what does today’s word “Believe” mean?

Seriously? You don’t know what Believe means!! SERIOUSLY??!! Go get a dictionary and LOOK IT UP. Does Uncle Bill have to tell you EVERYTHING??!!

You do however appear to have the skills necessary for a brilliant career ahead of you in primary school arts management.

Here is how the word Believe works!

There is one simple rule: You have to use the word Believe three times in a sentence or not at all. For example “I believe that you are prevaricating” is an illegal use of the word. You should know that such violation may result in threatening languages or you having to sustain compromisable anecdotes.

Lets try again.

“I believe that you believe that I believe that you are prevaricating”.

Score Boys and Girls! Let’s try it one more time.

“I have a very hard time believing that I believe that you believe that I am a prevaricating dillhead.”

Oh, that was most excellent Boys and Girls! See how cleverly you cover the fact that you are prevaricating again! You are experts at this technique already! Words sure are fun!

Tomorrow’s word is “Entrepreneurial.” Wow! Boys and Girls! What an exciting word that is going to be!!

Today’s Word is “Threaten”.

Today’s Word is “Threaten”.

Okay Boys and Girls.  This could get very scary.

Or maybe not. Unlike some of our other words, “Threaten” is a very boring word. Yawn. See? What does Threaten mean? Well it means “I am bored and out of other ideas to get you to do the silly things I want you to do that you do not want to do.”

Or IABAOOOITGYTDTSTIWYTDTYDNWTD for short.

Here’s how it works!

Let’s say that you want your friend to give you his lunch box because you were a total dillhead and didn’t make a lunch for yourself. No need to negotiate, just say, “If you don’t give me that lunch box, then you are going to get Plan B!” Whoa! Your friend will be dazzled! But then say “IABAOOOITGYTDTSTIWYTDTYDNWTD!” Wow, Boys and Girls! You sure are getting good at being Threatening!

But wait! Now is when it gets fun. When your friend finally understands what a dillhead you are, he says, “I am not playing with you and I am going to tell all of my friends what a dillhead you are and they shouldn’t play with you either.” No Problem. You can just use the magic of IABAOOOITGYTDTSTIWYTDTYDNWTD!

“Oh yeah!” you exclaim smartly, “Well I’m going to tell your mom and all of the newspapers that you threatened your friends and that’s why they won’t come and play with me which is something that I would never do to anything not even the tiny little bugs on my eyelashes. So there!”

Magic! Score!

Yes, Boys and Girls. Words sure are fun. 

Tomorrow’s word is “Believe”.

Today’s Word is Objective.

Today’s Word is “Objective”.

Well Boys and Girls, this is another complicated word. Like the word Education, this word has two meanings. This word though, is always spelled the same and sounds the same and no matter which side of your mouth you speak it from.

Here’s how it works!

Let’s say you have a friend who wants you to convince a bunch of his friends that all he has in his pocket is $33.00. So, you think about it. You roll up your sleeves and program a very nice Power Point presentation. You put on a very nice tie. You create great numbers of spreadsheets that look very fancy. Then you show it to your friend who is very impressed and says, “Yes! There you have it!” He is in fact, so impressed that he promises to pay you lots of money for your work, which you think is a little odd since the objective of your work is prove that he only has $33.00 in his pocket. 

Next day, you put on a really nice tie and pack all of your work into a 45 minute talk that you give to all of your friend’s friends, coworkers, children, neighbors, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, godchildren, ice cream men, butchers, bakers, grocery store clerks and people he once sat next to on the bus. Of course, your presentation goes swimmingly well and you have so much to say that you have no time to take any questions. You have achieved your objective, which was to prove to the entire universe that your friend only has $33.00 in his pocket. Except that your friend bought lunch for everyone. So maybe your friend just isn’t that good at math or just maybe your friend is prevaricating again! That’s it! Words are so much fun aren’t they?

As you are sipping great volumes of wine in your swimming pool that night, you smile and say, “I achieved my objective and made a lot of money!”

And this brings about our other definition of the word Objective.

Even though you achieved your Objective, you were not very Objective in your work. This is because your work was not based on facts, but merely on your friend’s opinion that all he had in pocket was $33.00. Of course none of it matters now since your friend paid you so handsomely for your work! And gosh, he seemed so very happy about everyone knowing how inept he is at raising money! Such a prevaricator your friend is! At least working for him has been viable!

And so. There you have it Boys and Girls, a solid week of stories from Uncle Bill. Uncle Bill hopes you share them with all of your friends and coworkers because everyone needs an Uncle once in a while, don’t you think?

It being Halloween pretty soon and all, tomorrow’s word is very scary; Tomorrow’s word is “Threaten.” Oooooohhhh!!!! Sleep well Boys and Girls! Don’t let the hairy big monsters under your beds eat you tonight!

Today’s word is Leadership.

Today’s word is Leadership.

Leadership is the biggest word of all so far Boys and Girls. What makes a great leader? What makes a failed one? The answer is up to you.

A great leader must always be true and faithful to the wishes of those he represents. He understands that his wishes and opinions are only but one of many. A failed leader believes that he knows more than you do and that his vote should be worth a hundred of yours.

A great leader understands that his job is not to formulate opinion and impose his ideas upon others; a leader’s job is to listen with both ears and point the way to the destination the membership has chosen. A failed leader draws his conclusions and prints his map in ink beforehand, never wavering in his perceived “right” to lead the way.

A failed leader will listen only to his wants and needs, and despite the clamor around him, steadfastly attempt to rule over those who oppose his arrogance despite his impending surety for failure. A great leader focuses his attention on the wishes of those he represents; yet he always has a keen ear to the ground for his own biases so that he is faithfully adept in being able to identify his choices as selfless rather than selfish.

A failed leader believes that all failure is the responsibility of those he attempted to lead. A great leader knows that failures are bound to happen, incorporates them into his decision making early on so that failures are small and without great consequence.

A great leader’s biggest and sole reward is the success of those he represents. A failed leader expects others to praise him and constantly dreams of his reward beyond measure.  

A failed leader eats the whole pie and scurries around furtively in his attempt to disguise the crumbs. A great leader shares the pie unless he is really damn hungry and then apologetically owns up to his momentary gluttony.

A great leader always strives for harmony, agreement and mutual benefit. A failed leader relishes the fight and never lets go of the sword, even to the detriment of those he represents.

A great leader is creative in his thinking and is willing to bend in ways uncomfortable at first, if for no other reason that to appreciate a new perspective. A failed leader never bends and bristles at those who suggest he does.

A failed leader is blind to the possibilities. A great leader always looks for ways to create new possibilities.

You can never really tell what a failed leader is thinking. You can never really tell what a great leader is thinking. The difference is that a great leader makes it clear that he does not automatically assume his thinking is better than yours.

What kind of leader will you be Boys and Girls? What kind of leader will you follow?

Tomorrow’s word is “Objective”. See you then Uncle Bill!

Today’s word is Education.

Today’s word is Education.

This is a very interesting word because although it is always spelled the same, it actually has two pronunciations, each with a different meaning!

Education when pronounced “Ed-ju-KAY-shun” is the fine art of teaching others how to perform, how to do or how to be. It is a selfless art. Its sole aim is the betterment of the student. There is no regard for the wellbeing of the teacher nor should there be.

Education when pronounced “Ed-ju-ma-KAY-shun” is a very different concept.  It does not concern itself with a student thoroughly understanding the subject; it merely seeks satisfaction in the student’s enjoyment of it.  It is more about the teacher, who seeks awards, accolades and financial betterments, than it is about the student’s progress.

Here is how they both work!

Let’s say that you have an apple farm. Your job is to sell quality apples to your customers. You enjoy this job very much and decide that you need an assistant so you begin an apple “Ed-ju-KAY-shun” program. You spend time in class and individually with each of your students and teach them how to grow apples, how to enjoy watching the trees blossom, bear fruit and eventually end up on the tables of your satisfied customers. You teach them everything you know about apples and they become so adept at it that they become experts and go off to own and maintain successful apple orchards of their own. Your education program becomes so successful that it becomes an Institute with an endowment, every dollar of which goes to aid your students in their quests for knowledge.

Your neighbor also has an apple farm. He enjoys selling apples to your customers too, but he’s really more interested in cars and swimming pools than he is in growing apples. He decides to institute an “Ed-ju-ma-KAY-shun” program because his business just isn’t making him enough money. As he wants to spend as little time at this as possible, his students show up in numbers and he lectures them all at once. He tells them to go out and tell others about his apples, especially their parents! He is perfectly satisfied to see his students enjoying his apples even though they have no idea how to grow one or how to prune a tree. In the end his students go off and mostly forget about apples altogether.  Having swimming pools of their own to maintain, they make money in ways they can and visit an apple orchard just once a year for fun. His education program is less successful than yours, so he begins an Institution that also accepts donations to an endowment, which of course allows him to pay for a bigger swimming pool and a salary raise every year!

Yes, words are fun aren’t they Boys and Girls? We sure are learning a lot. Tomorrow’s word is Leadership. You’ll want to be really sure not to miss that!

Today’s word is Compromise!

Today’s word is Compromise!

This is a very big word Boys and Girls. It is so big that it is actually three words in one. “Com”, which means “with”.  “Pro”, which is a shortcut for “Professional” and “Mise”, a shortcut for “Miser” … because otherwise today’s blog wouldn’t work right.

Okay, so let’s see how it works!

Let’s say that you earn lots and lots of money. You like money so much that you count it everyday. The problem is that the really big house you live in has to be heated, cooled, lit with lighting and decorated with furniture. And with all this furniture, there isn’t a room big enough where you can just sit on the floor and count your piles and piles of money all day long. The answer to your problem is that you need to buy a MUCH bigger house.  So big that you can even put your entire name over the front door in big letters!

Lucky for you, your next door neighbor is both a friend and a banker. You don’t want to have to pay for this mansion. No, no, no Boys and Girls, that is what banks and musicians are for! So you and your banker friend sit down and negotiate a little, and finally he says “That’s sounds like a viable plan” and happily gives you the money. “A 5% downpayment is all you need”, which still leaves you with piles and piles of money to count tomorrow and everyday after that.

The workers pitch, the workers heave. They sing, they laugh and pretty soon your magnificent new house is up with your name in lights over the front door.

But then something unexpected happens.  The workers want to be paid. The caterers want to be paid. Even the musicians you hire for the parties, want to be paid!!

You try to negotiate with the Banker and he says “NoWay.” After all, he likes to count lots of money all day long as much as you.

So, you go to the professional hired help, and they all say “NoWay” … and then… you go … to … the professional musicians… in search of … a Com-Pro-Mise! Yes!! Later as you are polishing the handsome sign over your door you realize that words are so much fun!

Tomorrow’s word is Education. See you then!

Today's Word is Viable

Today’s word is “Viable”. Here is how it works!

Let’s say that you want to grow some corn in your garden during the summer. The problem is that you don’t really feel like it. You hate the digging, the planting, the watering. The weeding blows. And you don’t even like corn that much. To be honest about it you’d rather grow nothing at all even though you really like the idea of looking like a great gardener to everyone, especially to other gardeners. If you had to grow something, you’d much rather grow something easy, like weeds.  Anyway, if the people that live at your house want some damn corn, then let them go and plant some! SO what to do?

Here is what you do. Use the word “Viable”. What does Viable really mean? It means “I want to go swimming in my pool.” Surprised aren’t you Boys and Girls? Yes, words can be tricky. So, here is how it works.

When someone asks you, “Are you going to plant some corn soon so that it grows and we can harvest it and enjoy every sweet kernel?”, you just answer, “No. Corn is not a viable crop”, which really means, “No, I am going swimming in my pool.” See? Isn’t that nifty?

And how about this: “Will you take the trash out tonight?” Answer: “No, taking the trash out is not a viable activity”. Then go swim in your pool and let the trash pile higher and higher and higher until one day, someone else will have to come and clean it up for you!! Wow. Words are so much fun aren’t they Boys and Girls??

Now it’s time to practice on your own and use the Viable in a sentence. See how you do. If you get really good at it, one day you can move into a really big house with a nice swimming pool and live there for FREE!! Words are so much fun!!

Tomorrow’s word is “Compromise”. I’ll bet you can hardly wait to learn how a word that big word works!

Word fun with Uncle BIll

Today’s word is Negotiation. Here is how it works!

“Hey wait a minute!”, you exclaim, “You said yesterday that today’s word was going to be ‘Integrity’!...” …Well yes, Boys and Girls, yes I did, but I Prevaricated!!

See what fun we are having with words already!!

Whether you pronounce Negotiation “Ne-go-SHE- a- shun” or “Ne-go-SEE-a-tion” it really doesn’t matter. This ain’t no frickin’ English course. You want that, go back to school. This is a lesson in how to have FUN with words. Here is how the word Negotiation works…

Let’s say that you always pay the neighbor guy 10 bucks to mow the lawn. One day you decide, no way!! So you tell him that you are now paying him 33 cents. You also want your gardens weeded and he has to fire his bookkeeper and do the books himself.

He says, “Okay, how about you pay me 7 dollars and 50 cents and we’ll talk about everything else.”

And then you say, “No way. 33 cents is it. Take it now or tomorrow it’s gonna be less.”

And so he says, “Okay, how about you pay me 7 dollars and we talk about everything else. I have to be able to keep my mower sharp, I have a crew to pay, I really need my bookkeeper and I have a family”.

And now is the really fun part because you say, “NO way. 33 cents is it. And because you waited so long, now in addition to wanting my gardens weeded, anyone new you hire only gets 4 cents an hour.” Then because you are really clever you continue, “Of course I would be happy to talk with you anytime about what direction you mow the lawn from!”

Guess what?? You are Negotiating! Even though you are completely steadfast in your resolve to have what you want, you have found a way to bend ever so slightly in a Category 10 hurricane! Words are so much fun!

But wait, there’s more, because then you say, “I don’t really want to talk about what the word ‘Negotiating’ means, because if we do then we’d know that I am…”… and what’s the word here Boys and Girls??… “…PREVARICATING…”… Yes!!! Very Good!!! … “…but I will be happy to talk to you ANY time about when you mow my lawn or the color of hat you wear to work.”

So Boys and Girls, enough word fun for today. What is tomorrow’s word? Hey, I know! Let’s Negotiate and find out! Okay, tomorrow’s word will be “Viable”. Negotiating sure is fun isn’t it?

Today's Word is Prevarication

Word Fun with Uncle Bill

Today’s word is Prevarication. Here is how it works!

Let’s say that you tell your teenage son that you will be feeding him 33% less from now on because you told your neighbor that’s how much less you were going to feed him and the neighbor agreed with you. 

This is called Establishing Fact. 

Your son says “no way” and stops doing his chores. Since he is family, you stop paying him his allowance, refuse to feed him, and cancel his health insurance. 

This is how Family works. 

Because your son's room is now empty,  you have a great idea and offer his room to one of the neighborhood girls who plays violin. Upon hearing of this, your son and his friends ask the girl to please not move in, and she agrees to stay home and practice Bach. You are outraged and send everyone in the neighborhood an email telling them how people who know your son made this poor little girl “feel threatened” and that’s why she didn’t move in to take your son’s room. 

This is also a very convenient way to avoid from having your neighbors focus on the fact that you are a schmuck for giving away your son’s room in the first place, but this is what we call Prevarication. 

Prevarication is not the same as a lie. No, no, no. It is different. It means to alter the truth in lots of ways in order to suit your needs, without really proving or claiming anything! 

Let’s use it in a sentence. “Prevaricating allows me to have my way and still slither to and fro on the backyard lawn at night.” Very Good! 

Tomorrow’s new word?  Integrity. See you then!