Today's Word is Deficit

Hello again Boys and Girls!

“Where have you been Uncle Bill??!!”, you ask.

Well, Boys and Girls, I have been on Strike.

“What is a Strike Uncle Bill??”

Well, a strike is where you don’t go to work. So, you play concerts for free, listen to people talk at you, try to figure out what the hel… heck is going on and lose a lot of money. All at the same time!!! Wow, Boys and Girls!! I think I would rather shop for some checkered shirts at Sears!

But, for the moment, I am here. So shut your little yaps and listen up.

Today’s word is “Deficit” Here’s how it works!

Let’s suppose that you had two dollars and 4 dimes in your pocket. Somehow though, you lost it. Gambling maybe. You owe your friend that money though, because he washed your dog, combed your cat, cleaned your room, took out the garbage and played you some Beethoven on his violin. You used to have a lot more money than that in your pocket, but you spent it on stupid stuff and decided to quit worrying about your job so you could watch more Oprah.

Let’s see then. You owe your fiddle playing friend two dollars and 4 dimes, so how much would that be? Two dollars and Forty cents, right Boys and Girls?

NO!! OMG!! Seriously?! Haven’t you been listening?!! It would be NINE OR MAYBE ELEVEN DOLLARS! Once again, you forgot one of our most early Word Fun lessons in Prevarication!

“But Uncle Bill” you ask, “Which is it then, Nine or Eleven?”

Well, that’s the really interesting part, because it really doesn’t matter! All that matters is that you go tell your parents and all of the friends you can that “I am currently running a nine to eleven dollar structural deficit”. Wow! You sure do sound smart when you say that! Hey, I know! Say it again, only faster!! And Again!! And Again!!

So a “deficit” then, is nothing more than a really a great way to sneak some ice cream out of the party when nobody is looking. Unless you see something called Tequila. Then go for that instead.

Okay Boys and Girls! This sure was fun wasn't it? I am going back on strike for a while. See you next time!!

Today’s word is “Convinced”.

Today’s word is “Convinced”.

Yes I know you thought today’s word was going to be Entryprenueriaul. But I could not spell that word twice in a row so it will have to wait.

So, today’s word is Convinced. This is another very interesting compound word. “Con” meaning “with” and “vinced” meaning “Vince D.” So Convinced means “with Vince D.”

Seriously.

Did you really think I was going to try and sell you that line of crap?? PuhLEEESE.

No, no, no,  Boys and Girls, today’s word has anything to do with “Vince D.” I’m not going to try and sell you that line of crap.  If I did, then I would be trying to convince you of something. Something I thought I was very clever to think of.  Though even I  do not really believe it, I would hold on to it until my last dieing breath. The reason I would do that, is because it is so important to me for you to believe that I believe that you believe that I am smarter than you.  Once that is accomplished, then I can toss my hair in the wind and go watch a Dustin Hoffman movie.

Uh oh. What if you are not so easily convinced, then what?

Well. That’s easy. I will just tell people that your ideas are full of crap and that you are a cotton ball! And because I am so convincing, they will believe me. Besides, no one wants to be called a cotton ball, so they’ll fall in line automatically. In the end of course, this just amounts to IABAOOOITGYTDTSTIWYTDTYDNWTD!

Here is how it works!

Let’s say that my friend is standing directly in the path of a large speeding truck that clearly has no time to stop before hitting him, splatting him all over the road in a greasy mess. I say, “Ah, Dude, I think we need to talk about your need to move away from the speeding truck” and he replies, “No, I don’t need to talk about anything because it is so important everyone to know that you believe that I believe that you believe that I am smarter than you. And besides, you are a cottonba…”

Oh well, Boys and Girls, we tried!!! Words sure are fun!

Uncle Bill says, “See you Monday Boys and Girls!” when our word for the day will be “Hostage”.

Today’s word is Believe.

Today’s word is “Believe”.

SO Boys and Girls, what does today’s word “Believe” mean?

Seriously? You don’t know what Believe means!! SERIOUSLY??!! Go get a dictionary and LOOK IT UP. Does Uncle Bill have to tell you EVERYTHING??!!

You do however appear to have the skills necessary for a brilliant career ahead of you in primary school arts management.

Here is how the word Believe works!

There is one simple rule: You have to use the word Believe three times in a sentence or not at all. For example “I believe that you are prevaricating” is an illegal use of the word. You should know that such violation may result in threatening languages or you having to sustain compromisable anecdotes.

Lets try again.

“I believe that you believe that I believe that you are prevaricating”.

Score Boys and Girls! Let’s try it one more time.

“I have a very hard time believing that I believe that you believe that I am a prevaricating dillhead.”

Oh, that was most excellent Boys and Girls! See how cleverly you cover the fact that you are prevaricating again! You are experts at this technique already! Words sure are fun!

Tomorrow’s word is “Entrepreneurial.” Wow! Boys and Girls! What an exciting word that is going to be!!

Today’s Word is “Threaten”.

Today’s Word is “Threaten”.

Okay Boys and Girls.  This could get very scary.

Or maybe not. Unlike some of our other words, “Threaten” is a very boring word. Yawn. See? What does Threaten mean? Well it means “I am bored and out of other ideas to get you to do the silly things I want you to do that you do not want to do.”

Or IABAOOOITGYTDTSTIWYTDTYDNWTD for short.

Here’s how it works!

Let’s say that you want your friend to give you his lunch box because you were a total dillhead and didn’t make a lunch for yourself. No need to negotiate, just say, “If you don’t give me that lunch box, then you are going to get Plan B!” Whoa! Your friend will be dazzled! But then say “IABAOOOITGYTDTSTIWYTDTYDNWTD!” Wow, Boys and Girls! You sure are getting good at being Threatening!

But wait! Now is when it gets fun. When your friend finally understands what a dillhead you are, he says, “I am not playing with you and I am going to tell all of my friends what a dillhead you are and they shouldn’t play with you either.” No Problem. You can just use the magic of IABAOOOITGYTDTSTIWYTDTYDNWTD!

“Oh yeah!” you exclaim smartly, “Well I’m going to tell your mom and all of the newspapers that you threatened your friends and that’s why they won’t come and play with me which is something that I would never do to anything not even the tiny little bugs on my eyelashes. So there!”

Magic! Score!

Yes, Boys and Girls. Words sure are fun. 

Tomorrow’s word is “Believe”.

Today’s Word is Objective.

Today’s Word is “Objective”.

Well Boys and Girls, this is another complicated word. Like the word Education, this word has two meanings. This word though, is always spelled the same and sounds the same and no matter which side of your mouth you speak it from.

Here’s how it works!

Let’s say you have a friend who wants you to convince a bunch of his friends that all he has in his pocket is $33.00. So, you think about it. You roll up your sleeves and program a very nice Power Point presentation. You put on a very nice tie. You create great numbers of spreadsheets that look very fancy. Then you show it to your friend who is very impressed and says, “Yes! There you have it!” He is in fact, so impressed that he promises to pay you lots of money for your work, which you think is a little odd since the objective of your work is prove that he only has $33.00 in his pocket. 

Next day, you put on a really nice tie and pack all of your work into a 45 minute talk that you give to all of your friend’s friends, coworkers, children, neighbors, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, godchildren, ice cream men, butchers, bakers, grocery store clerks and people he once sat next to on the bus. Of course, your presentation goes swimmingly well and you have so much to say that you have no time to take any questions. You have achieved your objective, which was to prove to the entire universe that your friend only has $33.00 in his pocket. Except that your friend bought lunch for everyone. So maybe your friend just isn’t that good at math or just maybe your friend is prevaricating again! That’s it! Words are so much fun aren’t they?

As you are sipping great volumes of wine in your swimming pool that night, you smile and say, “I achieved my objective and made a lot of money!”

And this brings about our other definition of the word Objective.

Even though you achieved your Objective, you were not very Objective in your work. This is because your work was not based on facts, but merely on your friend’s opinion that all he had in pocket was $33.00. Of course none of it matters now since your friend paid you so handsomely for your work! And gosh, he seemed so very happy about everyone knowing how inept he is at raising money! Such a prevaricator your friend is! At least working for him has been viable!

And so. There you have it Boys and Girls, a solid week of stories from Uncle Bill. Uncle Bill hopes you share them with all of your friends and coworkers because everyone needs an Uncle once in a while, don’t you think?

It being Halloween pretty soon and all, tomorrow’s word is very scary; Tomorrow’s word is “Threaten.” Oooooohhhh!!!! Sleep well Boys and Girls! Don’t let the hairy big monsters under your beds eat you tonight!

Today’s word is Leadership.

Today’s word is Leadership.

Leadership is the biggest word of all so far Boys and Girls. What makes a great leader? What makes a failed one? The answer is up to you.

A great leader must always be true and faithful to the wishes of those he represents. He understands that his wishes and opinions are only but one of many. A failed leader believes that he knows more than you do and that his vote should be worth a hundred of yours.

A great leader understands that his job is not to formulate opinion and impose his ideas upon others; a leader’s job is to listen with both ears and point the way to the destination the membership has chosen. A failed leader draws his conclusions and prints his map in ink beforehand, never wavering in his perceived “right” to lead the way.

A failed leader will listen only to his wants and needs, and despite the clamor around him, steadfastly attempt to rule over those who oppose his arrogance despite his impending surety for failure. A great leader focuses his attention on the wishes of those he represents; yet he always has a keen ear to the ground for his own biases so that he is faithfully adept in being able to identify his choices as selfless rather than selfish.

A failed leader believes that all failure is the responsibility of those he attempted to lead. A great leader knows that failures are bound to happen, incorporates them into his decision making early on so that failures are small and without great consequence.

A great leader’s biggest and sole reward is the success of those he represents. A failed leader expects others to praise him and constantly dreams of his reward beyond measure.  

A failed leader eats the whole pie and scurries around furtively in his attempt to disguise the crumbs. A great leader shares the pie unless he is really damn hungry and then apologetically owns up to his momentary gluttony.

A great leader always strives for harmony, agreement and mutual benefit. A failed leader relishes the fight and never lets go of the sword, even to the detriment of those he represents.

A great leader is creative in his thinking and is willing to bend in ways uncomfortable at first, if for no other reason that to appreciate a new perspective. A failed leader never bends and bristles at those who suggest he does.

A failed leader is blind to the possibilities. A great leader always looks for ways to create new possibilities.

You can never really tell what a failed leader is thinking. You can never really tell what a great leader is thinking. The difference is that a great leader makes it clear that he does not automatically assume his thinking is better than yours.

What kind of leader will you be Boys and Girls? What kind of leader will you follow?

Tomorrow’s word is “Objective”. See you then Uncle Bill!

Today’s word is Education.

Today’s word is Education.

This is a very interesting word because although it is always spelled the same, it actually has two pronunciations, each with a different meaning!

Education when pronounced “Ed-ju-KAY-shun” is the fine art of teaching others how to perform, how to do or how to be. It is a selfless art. Its sole aim is the betterment of the student. There is no regard for the wellbeing of the teacher nor should there be.

Education when pronounced “Ed-ju-ma-KAY-shun” is a very different concept.  It does not concern itself with a student thoroughly understanding the subject; it merely seeks satisfaction in the student’s enjoyment of it.  It is more about the teacher, who seeks awards, accolades and financial betterments, than it is about the student’s progress.

Here is how they both work!

Let’s say that you have an apple farm. Your job is to sell quality apples to your customers. You enjoy this job very much and decide that you need an assistant so you begin an apple “Ed-ju-KAY-shun” program. You spend time in class and individually with each of your students and teach them how to grow apples, how to enjoy watching the trees blossom, bear fruit and eventually end up on the tables of your satisfied customers. You teach them everything you know about apples and they become so adept at it that they become experts and go off to own and maintain successful apple orchards of their own. Your education program becomes so successful that it becomes an Institute with an endowment, every dollar of which goes to aid your students in their quests for knowledge.

Your neighbor also has an apple farm. He enjoys selling apples to your customers too, but he’s really more interested in cars and swimming pools than he is in growing apples. He decides to institute an “Ed-ju-ma-KAY-shun” program because his business just isn’t making him enough money. As he wants to spend as little time at this as possible, his students show up in numbers and he lectures them all at once. He tells them to go out and tell others about his apples, especially their parents! He is perfectly satisfied to see his students enjoying his apples even though they have no idea how to grow one or how to prune a tree. In the end his students go off and mostly forget about apples altogether.  Having swimming pools of their own to maintain, they make money in ways they can and visit an apple orchard just once a year for fun. His education program is less successful than yours, so he begins an Institution that also accepts donations to an endowment, which of course allows him to pay for a bigger swimming pool and a salary raise every year!

Yes, words are fun aren’t they Boys and Girls? We sure are learning a lot. Tomorrow’s word is Leadership. You’ll want to be really sure not to miss that!